I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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