I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Randomize
