Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
