Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
