He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
