i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
