Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
