Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
