my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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