Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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