Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Is Oprah even human
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
