ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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