So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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