I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
