my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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