I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is it because I queefed?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
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So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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