conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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