honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
