i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
