You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
