She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
