Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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