I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
