this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
