I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
