Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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