We're facebook friends in real life
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
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