He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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