I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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