Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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