READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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