I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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