Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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