someone get that fucking seahorse.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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