I want to have your abortion
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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