Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
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Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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