The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
