The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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