Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
