Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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