OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
