apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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