There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
