She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
