I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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