Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
