Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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