Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
