i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
