Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
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When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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