you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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