They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
