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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.

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  25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In

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• (716): View more from New York

  Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?

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• (716): View more from New York

  I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.

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• (949): View more from California

  Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut

  (714): View more from California

  I think mark twain said that originally

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...

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  These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever

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• (805): View more from California

  I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.

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• (585): View more from New York

  She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We are taking your truck.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Pray for me

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• (585): View more from New York

  Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist

  (209): View more from California

  what is your life

  (917): View more from New York City

  Free champagne that's what

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