he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.