Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?

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(631): Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later? http://tfl.nu/fnnu

Replies (13) Good night (2016) Bad night (655)
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(503): View more from Oregon

my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"

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(503): my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal" http://tfl.nu/pkcw

Replies (12) Good night (5485) Bad night (821)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.

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(303): Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield. http://tfl.nu/furb

Replies (29) Good night (11730) Bad night (1474)
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(906): View more from Michigan

He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...

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(906): He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me... http://tfl.nu/pc0c

Replies (21) Good night (2441) Bad night (3969)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.

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(203): I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest. http://tfl.nu/16wx

Replies (2) Good night (949) Bad night (1443)
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(775): View more from Nevada

all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.

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(775): all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now. http://tfl.nu/wlt7

Replies (16) Good night (2565) Bad night (1037)
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(812): View more from Indiana

Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing

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(812): Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing http://tfl.nu/c12t

Replies (6) Good night (1407) Bad night (793)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.

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(+44): Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife. http://tfl.nu/3wb9

Replies (11) Good night (900) Bad night (2442)
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(520): View more from Arizona

Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...

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(520): Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first... http://tfl.nu/t3qp

Replies (9) Good night (1306) Bad night (568)
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(503): View more from Oregon

I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."

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(503): I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes." http://tfl.nu/i7yc

Replies (8) Good night (792) Bad night (1570)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Explain the King Dong next to my face.

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(570): Explain the King Dong next to my face. http://tfl.nu/zscw

Replies (2) Good night (484) Bad night (300)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?

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(203): What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high? http://tfl.nu/zas2

Replies (2) Good night (705) Bad night (267)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.

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(270): My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is. http://tfl.nu/aqiv

Replies (0) Good night (676) Bad night (241)
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(716): View more from New York

I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"

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(716): I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?" http://tfl.nu/zqsu

Replies (11) Good night (260) Bad night (895)
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(425): View more from Washington

For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.

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(425): For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk. http://tfl.nu/75eh

Replies (1) Good night (251) Bad night (142)

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