wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
