either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
