Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize