so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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