Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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