ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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