Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
