ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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