Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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