you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
