The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
