either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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