is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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