I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
