I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
