apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
