I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
