its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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