Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
