Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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