she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
